It is easier to walk along the bitter road. To let the chains of our past hold us back from feeling the full satisfaction in God. To let go, means starting with forgiveness. That is a pretty bold word and a bolder thing to do. To forgive those who have sinned against us. Does that mean that I am saying what they did is ok and I am letting them get away with everything? It is not for me to judge how much they should be forgiven. I am capable of the same sins. I am capable of inflicting the same amount of abuse. Because I have been forgiven much, well then I should love just as much.
I was told about a month ago by a friend’s mother and father that in this next season I would be going through such great healing. EVERY part of the pain of the past would be healed, however I would have to allow God to move in me and bring those parts of my past to the surface. I would have to lay those chains before him and allow him to break them free. They told me while on this next journey to San Francisco I was going to be changing drastically and be healed by the end of the 6 months. I just wasn’t aware it would start before I got there.
I have wrestled with forgiving the most harmful people in my past. To let them go and in that let what they did go, which included forgiving them. In order for me to be free from the hurt that bounds me to those chains I will have to forgive. I struggle with it, but I am learning. There is a bitterness that has festered in me towards all that have wronged me. I have thought many times that I had forgotten and forgiven, but I had only prematurely stopped the healing process that God has been trying to take me through for the past year. But I am ready, and I am healing. I am joyful in this time. Each day I breathe a little more freely, with a smile and an excitement.
“One of the Pharisees asked him to eat with him, & he went into the Pharisee’s house and took his place at the table. & behold, a woman of the city, who was a sinner, when she learned that he was reclining at table in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster flask of ointment, & standing behind him at his feet, weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment. Now when the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would have known who and what sort of woman this is who is touching him, for she is a sinner.” & Jesus answering said to him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.”& he answered, “Say it, Teacher.” “A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?” Simon answered, “The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt.” And he said to him, “You have judged rightly.” Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven–for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” & he said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” Then those who were at table with him began to say among themselves, “Who is this, who even forgives sins?” & he said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”-Luke 7:36-48